Fourth grade student Brendan Williams refuted a classroom note he authored calling his teacher a “fatso” by employing the tactics of FBI Agent Peter Strzok who is presently testifying at a congressional oversight hearing. The 9-year-old student at Benjamin Franklin Elementary School was caught passing a note in which he referred to his teacher, Mrs. Jenkins, as “Mrs. Fatty McFatty-Pants,” and utilized Peter Strzok’s strategem of inconceivably arguing that the plain-language reading of the text was inaccurate. “The classroom note passed back and forth between me and my friend Sharon Johnston absolutely needs to be read in its entirety so that the comments regarding Mrs. Jenkin’s weight are viewed in context. I can state unequivocally that there was no animus in the written diatribe, and that my personal beliefs and opinions regarding Mrs. Jenkin’s girth have absolutely no bearing on my conduct as a student in her class,” stated the fourth grader as he sat across the desk from his principal. At press time, Brendan sat smugly in his chair knowing full well that he would not receive so much as a detention.