Duck Boat Tragedy: Elon Musk Sends Mini-Sub to Aid in Recovery, Calls First Responders Pedophiles

Near Branson, MO: Elon Musk dispatched a mini-sub to Table Rock Lake Friday to assist in the aftermath of the duck boat tragedy that killed 17, and simultaneously labeled the Missouri first responders as pedophiles. The Tesla CEO sent the same type of submarine to Thailand earlier this month to aid in the recovery effort of 12 children from a flooded cave, and subsequently called a British rescue diver “pedo guy” for no apparent reason. Musk’s submersible capsule can search for the sunken vessel at the bottom of Table Rock Lake while containing a rescuer – even a rescuer who has committed pedophilia, as Mr. Musk clarified earlier today via Twitter. At press time, the Tesla founder stated that anyone who refuses to utilize the underwater vehicle he created purely for humanitarian reasons and out of the kindness of his own heart is undeniably guilty of committing lewd, lascivious and indecent acts against minors.